Globe columnist advises book club member to view domineering peer as childhood character
Matthew Gilbert suggests readers reframe their difficult group dynamic using media examples and recommends specific films and books.
By Thomas Obasi ·
A Boston Globe columnist has offered advice to a reader struggling with a book club member who dominates every conversation.
The reader, who recently moved and joined a local group to build friendships, described a member who brags about travel and controls group plans. This member also questioned a diagnosis during a family illness. The reader avoided direct confrontation to preserve the new social circle and considered quitting.
Matthew Gilbert, the former TV critic writing the Entertainment RX column, responded to the inquiry. He characterized the domineering member as a feature of social groups rather than a bug. He compared her to Lucy Van Pelt from Peanuts, describing her as an adult who has not learned to take turns. Gilbert suggested viewing her behavior as a coping mechanism for insecurity rather than a deliberate attempt to be toxic.
He advised the reader to step back from judgment and observe the member's predictable behavior. He quoted the character Omar from The Wire, noting that challenging a dominant figure requires precision. Gilbert argued that quitting gives a victory to the dominant person, while moving against her risks looking bad.
The columnist recommended using media to understand group dynamics. He suggested reading novels about social bullies to process themes through a Trojan horse. He noted that stories often reveal the defensive reasons behind domineering behavior, which can lead to tolerance. He cited the first season of Apple TV+ Bad Sisters as an example of insight into a megalomaniacal husband.
Gilbert pointed to The Book Group, a two-season British TV series from 2002 available on Amazon. The show follows an American moving to Glasgow who forms a group and initially acts as the overbearing member due to feeling out of control. The other characters reflect her behavior back to her without confrontation. He also mentioned The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, a novel in letters set during the Nazi occupation of the Channel Islands. A 2018 Netflix movie adaptation directed by Mike Newell is available.
He listed The Jane Austen Book Club by Karen Joy Fowler as a novel exploring the personalities of six members reading Austen novels. A 2007 movie adaptation exists. He also noted the 2018 movie Book Club and its sequel Book Club: The Next Chapter, which feature a cast including Diane Keaton and Jane Fonda. These films focus on older women reading Fifty Shades of Grey.
Gilbert recommended Enchanted April, a 1991 movie based on the 1922 novel by Elizabeth von Arnim. The story involves four English women renting an Italian castle after World War II. The character Mrs. Fisher demands respect and the best room. The other women humanize her by seeing through her superior facade. He also suggested Lord of the Flies, a 1954 novel by William Golding about boys stranded on an island who form a primitive hierarchy. Netflix premiered a miniseries version earlier this year, created by Jack Thorne.
